Recovering.

We just watched Crash. WOW. This is the best movie I have seen in a LONG time. Emotionally draining and thought provoking.
I think I'm in shock.

So, if you haven't already. You should see this film.

Giddy.

I'm on my second glass of wine. I'm happy, happy and giddy. Full of possibility.

The neighbour is removing trees for the couple that bought the lot between us. I guess he tried to buy it, but he needed two weeks to get the money and they person selling was eager to sell. So anyway, he got the job to clear the lot from the people that bought it and he is also getting rid of all our scrub trees while he is at it. He is also getting rid of various crap that was way in the back near the river and the chicken coop. There is so much light now... It's beautiful. It's a huge mess right now with downed trees everywhere and MUD mud mud, but.. soon, it will be smooth mud, sloping into the river. The river that we can now see. SEE! Seriously.. is so awesome... Beautiful light, sunsets in summer. Normally we only see sunsets in winter and it is straight ahead on the river.. and all the leaves are gone, but now when the sun is more to the north west, there is sun set.

Iris. Beautiful, beautiful child. 21lbs 8oz and 28.5" tall. Smallish head, 20th percentile. Lovely head, beautifully perportionate to her perfect baby body. I've never put much stock in those percetages... Except to brag when she was especially large. She is developmentally ahead of the game with her solid standing and almost walking self. She got a Little People farm from Chris' parents for her birthday. It is very cool and much more fancy that the version from when I was small. All the animals have their spot, and make the animals noise when pressed. Iris likes this a lot. We got her a pink ball and some new clothes today. I really don't want to go crazy with toys the way it seems like some people do. I don't want the poor thing to get ADD. Too much going on and she freaks out. So, we brought out the familiar... Her colors book, her Fisher Price rings. Happy happy.

Chris got an email from a company that he got a kiss off letter from last weekend today. They want to do a phone interview with him for a customer service supervisor position they have open. WEEEEE! Come on fancy new fridge and stove. :D

This is rather long winded and I have been off the wine for hours and am ready for bed. I am happy and full of hope. I can see the river and the sun set. Things are starting to happen and I can't wait.






-Night.

Relief.

Two days off. This is a relief.


Today is my Mom's birthday. She is 62... I think. She is a a big family reunion this weekend in Saskachewan along with a whole bunch of other Farrers. I think it would have been neat to go if our circumstances would have been different. I do have another family reunion to go to at the beginning of August with my mother-in-laws family. I think it will be quite fun. There are four babies all born within a year as well as many proud grandmas, grandpas and great aunts and uncles who will be arguing over whos grandbaby is cuter. Well, we all know who's right! :D hehe. Iris has it in the bag.

Chris is out mowing the lawn in 91 degree heat. He's going to die. I don't think the two bottle of water he took are going to cut it. He has a sun allergy and I'm afraid that he'll get sick. :|

Iris is ONE on Thursday. Can you believe it? Truely the fastest/slowest year of my life. It went by so quickly, but the individual moments were so slow. Today I saw her clap her hands together for the first time on her own. I watched her grin and slap those small pudgy hands together and I got all teary about her getting so big and Oh My God, Where Did the Time Go!

She stand on her own and bounces up and down bending her knees with out holding on to anything. We call this dancing, not too much different than how Chris and I dance for her. She knows that if she presses this button that Mom and Dad will stop what they are doing and do silly seated dances for the duration of the music. She calls momomomomomomomom when she is distressed. Her Daddy is the funniest person ever. He makes her laugh with his funny faces, he hangs her upside down and he changes practically all her dirty diapers. ( Except for today! I did one) She likes bananas cut up in her morning cereal. She eats most things easily so it is fun to feed her. She isn't very messy usually, which is good because neither Mom or Dad like when she smears food all over. She loves bath time, she grabs at the water flowing out of the faucet. She likes bubbles and cups them in her small hands and inspects them, well, before she tries to eat them. Chewing on her shoes is a favorite past time. When you to try and take away something she wants she shakes like she is the Hulk and will grow large and bust out of her little baby girl outfit. This hasn't happened yet, but I keep waiting.

I can look back from here and see everything that has happened this year and how things were in the years before we had her. I think of all the time I wasted when I could have gotten so much done with no baby to watch. There was no urgency then, no huge motivation about if you don't do it now who knows when you will have a spare moment again. ( This reminds me that I should be doing one of many, many things on my list instead of typing in my blog)
Days of doing nothing, or something, deciding in a moment and going. A very diferent type of planning. I miss those giddy irresponsible days, but not as much as I love my daughter.
I could go on and on about the wonder of it. I could also go on and on about how HARD it all is. It is so very, very hard. As a person who has alwasy been fond of rules as a way to make life easy to understand and books a way to kind out what you don't know, it is very hard to not KNOW what to do. There is not an answer for every question, no solution for every problem. Being a parent is nothing so simple. ( much to my chagrin) Being a parent is based almost solely on trial and error and after one success instead of knowing the answer for that problem for next time, next time the answer is ALWAYS DIFFERENT. Maddening. But I digress. ( heh)

I almost can't remember the early months when things were so awful that I constantly asked myself "what was I thinking" and thought "I can't do this, I'm not strong enough". Now, I can see why I did it and I know that I am strong enough. I'm also much more patient than I ever thought I could be at 5am. :D

I think this is the time when other people get misty for their little baby and in a moment of weakness try for another. I'd like to tell you all that I am not anywhere close to that yet. I think I'm doing pretty well at everything now, but I have serious doubts about how both Chris and I would handle all we went through again. Plus a toddler running around. I'm scared about how unhappy I would be. Right now I am happy focusing on my very sweet baby girl.

Did I mention she is almost one year old.

I am so proud.

:)

Home alone

sort of.

Chris is at a state exam for some state/federal job he applied for and I am home alone with the baby. The baby who is sleeping. It's coming up on two hours, so I'll be up to wake her soon. She always sits up when we put her to bed now and subsequantly sleeps with her legs folded underneath her and her little pj clad diaper butt in the air. Precious.

We have been cutting down trees in the yard on days when I am off and we can take Iris to daycare. Yesterday was one of those days and since Chris had a job interview first thing I took Iris to daycare. she would crawl off away from me and then really stay close, pulling on my purse, which I held on my lap and pulling up and then leaning on my knees. She is a Momma's girl. She cried when I went to leave and of course I can't reisist peeking in the window one last time to see her, see her see me and crumple. ( stupid, stupid) I hate to leave her. It's going to get worse when she gets older I'm sure.

Shadow had a few scabs on his body which I assume means that he got in a cat fight one of the times he went outside. This is exactly why I hate letting him out when we aren't also going to be outside. Silly isn't it... he's a cat and I am so over protective of him. Part of this stems from the x-ray he got that showed that some asshole shot him with a BB when we were living at the old apartment.

Garden is doing alright. It gets a little more sun since we got rid of a very leafy mulberry tree growing nearby. a couple of my zucchini plants got smooshed by a falling tree, but the ones that get the most sun are doing well. Carrots, two kinds of basil, sage, dill cucumbers and tomatos ( roma and cherry). On their way. The five extra patio tomatoe that we just put in the ground last week are really happy in their new sunny home and the six geraniums I bought for a quarter each are blooming! Except for one that is almost going to bloom. I have to go around and take pictures. Maybe tomorrow.