Hurry up and wait.

I'm losing my mind. Hormones? Stress? Something.

Chris' work is changing his schedule. Instead of the current Tuesday-Saturday, He'll be working Monday-Friday. Upon first look this seemed like a great thing, Mon-Fri ~ the scedule of "normal" people. Plus he'll be home on the every other saturday to look after the baby. Then I realized that I work at 5pm on Monday nights and he's not home till 6. Panic set in. What the hell am I going to do with te baby ffrom 4:30-6 every Monday night. I suppose to most people this is no great problem, but it cause me to panic. Panic! I can't afford another 30$ for a 1/2 day of day care, especially when its only for 1.5 hours. It means I have to find some one, a baby sitter or something to watch the baby for 1.5 hours each Monday. It probably isn't really going to be a big deal. An ad in the paper, word of mouth. I really felt that everythign was spiraling out of control. I'm sure that seems really silly to anyone who might actually be reading this. So, I finished my day volunteering at the Opera House and walked home. I ate a popsicle ( real fruit bar) and looked through the mail.

I got a letter and a coupon for a free box of whatever Unilever icecream treat I would like. I sent them (breyers) an email last week ranting about how upset I was that they made my favorite popsicles smaller. They say they did not make them smaller, so I guess I have to buy another box and see if they are telling the truth and I just got a bad box. They were more than 1/3 smaller than normal. My pregnant self was livid. Since I've been pregnant these popsicles have been a great comfort to me. ( Isn't this silly, I truely have lost my mind) I also got a catalog for The Company Store KIDS, They have really nice stuff in there, way more than I would ever pay for something, but nice stuff all the same.

Anyway, back to me losing my mind.

I went up stairs to my computer, put in a cd and picked through the old mp3 collection, playing the songs that make me stop and think. Nostalgia and thinking. Dangerous when you are hormonal and feel like the world as you know it is spiraling out of control. So, basically I sat at my computer for over an hour till Chris came home and cried my eyes out. Think think think, getting stuck in your head is such an odd thing. There are the things I know and the things I don't and they sort of war with each other spinning out of control.

I know that everything will be ok. Will it? will it really?
I know that I can handle it. Can I really?
I know it will be hard. Harder than you think sweetheart, really hard.
I know I'm happy and excited. Terrified, ill-equipped...


I start having to go to the Dr. every 2 weeks after my next appointment ( May 2). Thirteen more weeks to go, less than 3 months. Everything is coming on so fast. ( I can't wait!/I can...) I'm 27 years old, you'd think I'd be ready for all this.

Cha- cha-cha changes........

There's so many papers and crap on my desk I barely have room my my coffee cup. ( yes, I'm drinking coffee! It's 1/2 caff, and I NEED it.) It's making me angry.

My Mom doesn't like my current favorite baby name. I like it... and it is *my* baby right? but it still bugs me, because it taints it all a bit. Now I know why people keep names secret now-a-days.

Ah, nothing like a self indulgent blog post. It really is all about me after all.